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Getting over rejection
11-09-2009, 12:41 PM
Post: #1
Getting over rejection
Hi everyone!  I am new to this site and have been in RE since Jan.  I figure you will have a good answer for my questions, so, here goes....I was hurt when I had a very close friend tell me she was going with her husbands friend to sell and buy with this past spring.  She told me:  "I have good news!  We are moving!  Don't be offended but we are going with "so and so" for both selling and buying".  Don't be offended?  How could I not be?  We had been friends about 8 yrs., we had gone on vacations together, our kids played together, we talked about houses and even went to see some together,etc.  Since this time, I have kind of put her off as not such a good friend.  After reading some posts on SWS, I think I may be in the wrong.  I am thinking I will apologize to her but, how do you not get offended when your "good friends" don't use you?  Or at least not use you in an apologetic sort of way?
11-09-2009, 02:17 PM
Post: #2
Re: Getting over rejection
Shawn!!!  Welcome!  You will get some great advice here....LOL....I'll start with my advice - which you can determine to be great or not so great! 

I've had this happen too and it can hurt.  My advice......take a deep breath, put on a huge smile, buy your friend a fabulous house warming gift and then go about running your business.  There are soooo many reasons why a friend would not choose you.  The first reason is that many of us have told since day one that it is never a good idea to mix business with pleasure.  Your friend could have been worried that you would find out too much about her personal business or that if something went sideways (which they really can do in a RE deal) that she would lose your friendship.  Also, you are pretty new to the business....LOL....she may not trust that you know what you are doing at this point.  It is important to let it go.  Then go out and do all the Jennifer Allan-isms that you can (eg. heading out in the world with your antennae up, knowing your market etc)....that is how you will build your business....and your friend will notice that.  The next time she needs some help, she may feel it is worth the chance to use you (or not).....LOL...besides, her agent of choice may end up sucking and then you will be the superstar friend/agent who can help save the day. 

Bottom line:  Be a good supportive friend first.  Agent second.

Have fun out there....maggie  ;D
11-09-2009, 02:23 PM
Post: #3
Re: Getting over rejection
PS: I just reread your post and saw that it was a friend of your friend's husband they are using as an agent....perhaps hubby has more pull in that area of the relationship than she does....or perhaps there is another "optics" reason they are using this agent (eg. they play on the same hockey team and hubby needs to use the agent if he wants ice time).  I honestly doubt it has anything to do with you.  My bottom line still applies.  I think you will come out much sweeter in this situation in the long run.
11-09-2009, 03:20 PM
Post: #4
Re: Getting over rejection
I've written a gazillion times on this topic... if you like, I'd be happy to pull up all my posts for your reading enjoyment... but Maggie pretty much nailed it.

The trick is to NEVER EVER EVER EVER blow a friendship over this. From a purely mercenary perspective, that's just dumb. From a friendship perspective, again, just dumb.

A lot of people don't realize how much each deal means to us, so they figure if they use someone else, we won't notice. It's kind of a compliment (okay, not really, but stretch with me) because your friend didn't think you were desperate!

Here's my most recent blog... but there are more where this came from!

"The Secret of Joy in work is one word - excellence. To know how to do something well is to enjoy it." Pearl S. Buck
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11-09-2009, 05:44 PM
Post: #5
Re: Getting over rejection
Welcome Shawn!

And ditto to what Maggie and JA said... Be a good supportive friend first; agent second. 

I tend to look at it this way... It's bad enough to lose the client, who wants to lose a friend too!

11-09-2009, 06:46 PM
Post: #6
Re: Getting over rejection
At least when the house doesn't will not be your fault.  8) life and in real best to be the first born, the second spouse and the third REALTOR.  ;D

Welcome to SWS...listen to the ladies here and you will do fine...and perhaps keep your dignity and your friends too.
11-09-2009, 07:02 PM
Post: #7
Re: Getting over rejection
And, hey, it's okay to listen to the men here, too.  They have some pretty soulful advice to offer.

If it helps, don't think of this as being any rejection of you in any way, shape or form.  You may never know the reasons behind their decision, but usually it's not as much about us as we sometimes think. 
11-10-2009, 12:16 AM
Post: #8
Re: Getting over rejection
I totally understand why you feel offended (hurt?).
I've been there.

Something similar happened to me recently (my brother in law looked at a house with his cousin who is also a realtor). I was stunned and felt really betrayed. But then I considered the reasons this happened and it made some sense and I let it go. I think when these things happen they shake us up a bit because it makes us question our abilities. Are we not good enough? Do we suck at this career and nobody gave us the memo? After squashing those insecurities that tend to crop up, I realized that I don't want to be the kind of person that changed or ended a relationship because of money. Heck, in the grand scheme of things, the amount of money to be made from the transaction is a drop in the bucket anyway!

As for your friend being so matter-of-fact about it, she probably was hoping you would take your cue from her and respond matter-of-factly. In a way, I think she was trying to let you off the hook. If she fell over herself apologizing it might be an even more awkward situation.

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